'lA-jane-dlA'... That's how I used to pronounce my name, long, long time ago, when I had barely started communicating in my mother tongue. It was my dad's assignment, late in the evening, after dinner, to bring out the 'R' in me with a proper roll of the tongue, which, thankfully, he managed successfully.
I mention this so that you understand how sensitive I am regarding making fun of people who have pronunciation or stammering problems, even though I never had such a problem later in my life. But that shouldn't stop me from writing about this incident which happened in my office today.
A new guy has joined our team. This fellow stammers while saying his name. The name as such isn't long: only four letters. But when he pronounces it, the first syllable would take 5/6ths of the time. (That's a rough estimate as I don't have a stop watch to time it.)
What's more amazing is, each time he introduces himself, he would pronounce it similarly.
That made me ponder: May be the poor fellow is pronouncing his name as it should be! After all, who better can pronounce one's name than one own self! It reminds me of the African tribesmen who have clinks in their names which the stand-up comedian Russell Peters doesn't fail to admire.
Had I been able to keep a straight face each time he said it, I would have given him the benefit of doubt and remarked, "That sounds tough to pronounce. Would it be okay if we called you 'Ravi' instead?"
Showing posts with label Articles and Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles and Stories. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Lost & Found
How would you react if you notice a recognizable face from yesteryears in one of the least preferred spots --the public restroom? It was the Men's Restroom at Spice Hut (an Indian Fast Food Joint) at Fremont where I once again met my ex-college mate after so many years. Of course, it didn't happen like in the movies, when you are knocking on the neighboring stall asking for more tissue paper. But still, that's not the place you are supposed to have a Lost & Found. I, of course, ensured that we shook hands only after following CA Dept of Health's protocol on hand hygiene, and there were strictly no hugs in the land of Brokeback Mountain.
If this reminds you of your chance meeting with someone at such an unholy place as the restroom, do post a comment with your experience.
If this reminds you of your chance meeting with someone at such an unholy place as the restroom, do post a comment with your experience.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Elusive Second Rank
It seems my blog co-authors have taken to heart our motto "where the taste bud matters!" Almost all the recent blog posts had something to do with food. Just to bring some variety, I'm posting this piece... recycled from my personal blog :)
Have you ever tried to deliberately score a rank in a competition which is other than your usually attained rank? I tell you, I have, and this is my story.
[This piece has been written for a narrator of the caliber of Morgan Freeman or Amitabh Bachchan. Hear that voice?]
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any real person -- living, hospitalised, or dead -- is purely by God's own will, and I couldn't write it any other way.
In my good old school days, academics came natural to me. I happened to top the class, and get that coveted 1st Rank. Soon I felt a monotony to it, and then the fun started -- to deliberately try coming in second.
There was this girl in my class who would always come in second, and I would always hopelessly be ranked one above her, how-much-so-ever I tried not to! Of course, she wasn't trying to come second deliberately, but had she known about my intentions, she would have loved to help me.
In those days, betting wasn't a commonplace. I, however, had the good fortune of getting acquainted with a classmate, who was born to be a bookie and in the future, make his presence felt in the best known arena of all -- the Shaharjah Cricket Tournament. Let me call him, Aamir Bahaauddin Tyaagi, Aamir for short, which mind you, is a name from my imagination not Google™-able, lest I reveal his true identity.
Aamir knew that it was easy for me to secure the first rank, and hence would make it all the more interesting by raising the bets for the second rank, while keeping the odds at 1/1 for the first. Whenever I was confident that I have done so well in my class exams, or should I say so badly that I deserved nothing more than the coveted second rank, I would bet heavily. The currency involved for betting were in marbles, and I had to part with a lot of those. But that didn't stop me in trying for one final time, and then once more, and so it went on.
You might think that for someone who can come first, how difficult it would be to come in second for once. Well, let me try to explain to you the problem with coming in second deliberately, as compared to coming in first. The first rank holder's score only has a lower limit, and no higher limit. On the other hand, to come in second, you have to determine the highest score amongst others in the class, and score just about enough to not exceed that score, while ensuring that you score more than the rest. A lot of number crunching is involved. You might even get a Doctrate just for making an attempt in finding a sound mathematical formula, containing weird Greek alphabets, for coming in second.
Now, I wouldn't say I always stood first in these attempts, while it's true that I didn't come in second either. After the initial monotony of firsts, I have scored a fifth once, and a tenth too! Well, it's not that I lost my ability for coming in first, but that the parameters involved used to change every four years or less with new students rolling in my class, which made my calculations go wrong all the time. In the 6th Grade, you had to opt for a third language, and I took Sanskrit, which resulted in a new class, and a different batch of pupils. In the 9th Grade, we had to go to a new school for, the old school only had classes upto 8th, and thus put up with another new batch of students. You can consider yourself lucky if you have mastered the art of coming in second after 10 years of analysis on a static population with only a few controlled parameters changing (refer: ANOVA / DOE statistical analysis techniques), and I had to either come up with a solution in less than four years or incorporate the rules behind dynamically changing population in my calculations!
Now I have grown up and am not involved with academics, professionally speaking. But mind never stops working, especially on an unsolved Mathematical mystery. The other day, I came across on the internet a puzzle about an Arab sheikh and how he thought of distributing his wealth. Here it goes:
How do we apply this wise man's logic to my problem of coming in second? For that, I would need the help of the girl who always stood second in class, whenever I stood first. Even though this is not a camel race, if you note, writing exams is no different. Switching the camels would mean switching the answersheets! Got it? Let me explain further. If I write her student roll number on my answer paper while she writes mine, we have effectively switched the camels! Now both of us would answer the exam based on our abilities, without deliberately trying to make mistakes, and ensure that she makes me get the elusive second rank, while she boasts the first! Perfecto, isnt it? So clever, yet so profoundly simple. Had I known this earlier, I would have won a lot of marbles, by Jove!
These days, whenever I attend prize distribution functions, I clap, cheer, whistle, and what not, whenever they announce for the second prize winner, while booing the first comer. People might think that I am related to the second comer, but now you know the real reason behind my actions.
[ If someone does go ahead and makes this movie, of course, after buying the credits from me, following text would now roll on the screen... ]
The Second Rank girl is now a qualified Medical Doctor, and is some big shot with a corner office in WHO headquarters at Geneva.
Aamir is now not making as much money as he used to when there were India v/s Pakistan cricket fixtures all year round in his current home location. India's decision to not send their cricket team to Shaharjah after the betting scam broke out, has not only put some breaks to his burgeoning bank balance, but also made him borrow from others in order to meet with his spouses' shopping expenses. (Note the location of the apostrophe.)
As for me, I am at home, sitting in my lavish mansion on a private island in the Pacific, writing a new movie script to get another nomination for an Academy Award! Yup, I still aim for the 2nd place!
Have you ever tried to deliberately score a rank in a competition which is other than your usually attained rank? I tell you, I have, and this is my story.
[This piece has been written for a narrator of the caliber of Morgan Freeman or Amitabh Bachchan. Hear that voice?]
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any real person -- living, hospitalised, or dead -- is purely by God's own will, and I couldn't write it any other way.
In my good old school days, academics came natural to me. I happened to top the class, and get that coveted 1st Rank. Soon I felt a monotony to it, and then the fun started -- to deliberately try coming in second.
There was this girl in my class who would always come in second, and I would always hopelessly be ranked one above her, how-much-so-ever I tried not to! Of course, she wasn't trying to come second deliberately, but had she known about my intentions, she would have loved to help me.
In those days, betting wasn't a commonplace. I, however, had the good fortune of getting acquainted with a classmate, who was born to be a bookie and in the future, make his presence felt in the best known arena of all -- the Shaharjah Cricket Tournament. Let me call him, Aamir Bahaauddin Tyaagi, Aamir for short, which mind you, is a name from my imagination not Google™-able, lest I reveal his true identity.
Aamir knew that it was easy for me to secure the first rank, and hence would make it all the more interesting by raising the bets for the second rank, while keeping the odds at 1/1 for the first. Whenever I was confident that I have done so well in my class exams, or should I say so badly that I deserved nothing more than the coveted second rank, I would bet heavily. The currency involved for betting were in marbles, and I had to part with a lot of those. But that didn't stop me in trying for one final time, and then once more, and so it went on.
You might think that for someone who can come first, how difficult it would be to come in second for once. Well, let me try to explain to you the problem with coming in second deliberately, as compared to coming in first. The first rank holder's score only has a lower limit, and no higher limit. On the other hand, to come in second, you have to determine the highest score amongst others in the class, and score just about enough to not exceed that score, while ensuring that you score more than the rest. A lot of number crunching is involved. You might even get a Doctrate just for making an attempt in finding a sound mathematical formula, containing weird Greek alphabets, for coming in second.
Now, I wouldn't say I always stood first in these attempts, while it's true that I didn't come in second either. After the initial monotony of firsts, I have scored a fifth once, and a tenth too! Well, it's not that I lost my ability for coming in first, but that the parameters involved used to change every four years or less with new students rolling in my class, which made my calculations go wrong all the time. In the 6th Grade, you had to opt for a third language, and I took Sanskrit, which resulted in a new class, and a different batch of pupils. In the 9th Grade, we had to go to a new school for, the old school only had classes upto 8th, and thus put up with another new batch of students. You can consider yourself lucky if you have mastered the art of coming in second after 10 years of analysis on a static population with only a few controlled parameters changing (refer: ANOVA / DOE statistical analysis techniques), and I had to either come up with a solution in less than four years or incorporate the rules behind dynamically changing population in my calculations!
Now I have grown up and am not involved with academics, professionally speaking. But mind never stops working, especially on an unsolved Mathematical mystery. The other day, I came across on the internet a puzzle about an Arab sheikh and how he thought of distributing his wealth. Here it goes:
There was once an Arab sheikh who had two sons who were not the sharpest scimitars in the palace armory, as it were. He loved playing jokes on them to watch their reaction.I had always thought that Shaharjah, the land of the Arabs and the camels, had answers to these types of mysteries. How rightly so! If you are still wondering what the wise man said to the boys, let me not keep it from you for long. He said, "Switch your camels and try to reach the city first, thus making the others' camel which you are riding on, faster than yours!" So neat. So beautiful. So clever. Is it not?
One day he told his two sons to race their camels to a distant city to see who would inherit his fortune. The rules stated that the one whose camel was slowest would be the winner.
The brothers, after wandering aimlessly for days, going slower and slower, finally ran across a wise man in the desert whom they ask for advice. After hearing the advice they jumped on their beasts and raced as fast as they could to the city. What did the wise man say to them?
How do we apply this wise man's logic to my problem of coming in second? For that, I would need the help of the girl who always stood second in class, whenever I stood first. Even though this is not a camel race, if you note, writing exams is no different. Switching the camels would mean switching the answersheets! Got it? Let me explain further. If I write her student roll number on my answer paper while she writes mine, we have effectively switched the camels! Now both of us would answer the exam based on our abilities, without deliberately trying to make mistakes, and ensure that she makes me get the elusive second rank, while she boasts the first! Perfecto, isnt it? So clever, yet so profoundly simple. Had I known this earlier, I would have won a lot of marbles, by Jove!
These days, whenever I attend prize distribution functions, I clap, cheer, whistle, and what not, whenever they announce for the second prize winner, while booing the first comer. People might think that I am related to the second comer, but now you know the real reason behind my actions.
[ If someone does go ahead and makes this movie, of course, after buying the credits from me, following text would now roll on the screen... ]
The Second Rank girl is now a qualified Medical Doctor, and is some big shot with a corner office in WHO headquarters at Geneva.
Aamir is now not making as much money as he used to when there were India v/s Pakistan cricket fixtures all year round in his current home location. India's decision to not send their cricket team to Shaharjah after the betting scam broke out, has not only put some breaks to his burgeoning bank balance, but also made him borrow from others in order to meet with his spouses' shopping expenses. (Note the location of the apostrophe.)
As for me, I am at home, sitting in my lavish mansion on a private island in the Pacific, writing a new movie script to get another nomination for an Academy Award! Yup, I still aim for the 2nd place!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Time for spring cleaning!
Its that time of the year again...time to spring clean the house! Doesn't sound too enticing, does it? But it is definitely better to get it done before the first month of the new year ends, lest you end up with lots of unnecessary stuff piled up in the house pretty soon!
Here's some tips on how to go about it -
Here's some tips on how to go about it -
- Paperwork/Files -
Sort all paperwork from last year - old letters, bills, store receipts et al. Decide which ones are to be filed away and which ones are to be shredded. Ideally, store only the bank/credit card statements, health/home/auto insurance papers and all major purchase receipts. - Newspapers/Magazines et al -
Throw away old newspapers, magazines, expired coupons, flyers and advertisements. - Kitchen/Pantry -
Dispose off expired and unused food stuff, condiments and seasonings. Get rid of worn out pots and pans(especially the non-stick ones if they are no longer 'non-stick' !) Trash the old plastic bottles and containers or better still recycle them at a recycling center. - Closet -
Scan your closets for old and unused stuff. Do away with worn out undergarments, donate old faded clothes and dispose old footwear which you no longer use either because its out of fashion or because you've stopped liking it for some reason:). - Medicine Box -
Sort your medicine/first-aid box by discarding the expired OTC and Rx medications. - Bathroom -
Throw away empty bottles of body washes, shampoos perfumes and lotions. Dispose off any expired cosmetics and toiletries. Replace hand/face/bath towels if you have to. Also, its time to change the worn out rugs on the bathroom floor! - General household stuff -
Look around for any useless stuff in the house. If something is simply taking up space without serving any purpose, get rid of it by either trashing it or putting it up for sale. - Coins -
If you have accumulated a lot of coins and don't particularly use them for public transport or someplace else, get the coins exchanged for cash(this will however take off a small percentage of the amount) or for gift cards of popular stores for the equivalent amount of money. This can be done at the CoinStar machines which are installed in most/all Lucky(formerly Albertson's) stores in the bay area.
Rule of the thumb : If there's anything that hasn't been used in a year or two, you are far from using it in the future as well. So you are better off without it! However, use your own discretion when disposing off something that came with a big price tag:)
Remember, living in a clean and uncluttered space helps draw positive energy into your home and into you life. So let's flag off the new year with a clean and fresh beginning!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The Highflying Veggie
'm now watching Showbiz India on Channel#8 (KTSF).
There is Reshma, the TV host, interviewing Neha Dhupia, some Bollywood actress. Neha is here along with a troupe to woo the desis of US with her dance, "and stuff". We learn that Neha is now vegetarian; which of course means, she used to have non-vegeterian food earlier.
Reshma asks Neha, what made her decide to go veggie? Neha replies in the Bollywood 'U-kno' English, "May be, it's the flight from India to New York!" Wah! What a super answer! A stupid question, but a super answer! I will remember to use it the next time I am asked that most frequently asked stupid question.
It reminds me of my experience with an inter-continental flight.
Before you proceed reading any further, time for a WARNING. HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT. Some scenes might not go well with your appetite. Visualize at your own discretion.
It was during one of my annual India trips on the Korean Air, departing from SFO-California, when I had to forcibly fast, thanks to some confusion. If you had ever fasted, you would know that when you fast, the rest of the day seems to never end. What a sluggishly slow sadistic Sun! Look at the power of the letter S. It can convert a laughter into a slaughter!
Enough of alliteration... Taking you back to my story... I had pre-ordered "Hindu meal" on the flight, which for all the holy reasons that come to my holy mind, should be vegetarian, whichever way I look at it. Unfortunately, the Koreans decide what a Hindu eats on their flights! Hare KORishna!
As per the Korean Air website, a Hindu meal, classified under "Religious Meals" section, is:
- Meal prepared for Indian people.
- No beef or pork.
Holy Korean Cow, with those tiny Mongoloid eyes, I say! And ya, Holy to the Korean Pig too! No other specifications, especially on what is included in the Hindu meal is given. This you are supposed to learn when it is served in the flight. Talking of in-flight surprises!
When my food arrived, I opened the main meal package, eager to gulp it in no time. I first thought it was a roasted Korean cauliflower of some tasteless variety. No sooner had I gulped the first piece, than the tiny bulb in my head, which runs on plant energy, lit! Was that a chicken breast I just ate?! Or was it the buttock portion?!!! I never had either of those before, but I was damn sure it had something to do with the rooster family. It surely woke me up from my unconscious eating, and stopped me from doing more harm to the Korean chicken.
When I asked the steward to get me a HINDU meal, I was told, THAT was IT! I felt like expounding on the Sanskrit verse: tat tvam asi, but their broken English left much to desire. Had that chicken been alive, it surely would have sided by me, even though it had to go against its Korean brethren. That, I can bet on!
The bad thing about making a wrong food choice in a two flight trip is that you can't expect anything better in the upcoming flight too! My damn luck! On the next flight, I didn't even attempt to open the packed meal. I wasn't curious to know who will crawl out next.
Finally, the long-drawn-out growlingly empty trip ended with a joyous welcome from my parents. It made worth all the trouble.
[Note: To keep the content of this posting short, I haven't included the portion where the customs officer slaughters a starving veggie. May be next time...]
These days, when I plan my India travel, I ensure that I enquire everything about the food contents before buying the air ticket. The Korean Air's Asian Vegetarian Meal seems palatable to my pate.
While you are here, don't forget to check out the Korean Air website for their understanding of "Strict Asian Vegetarian Meal"!!! It says no to meat, dairy, egg, and root vegetables. If any of you has the courage to order it, do mail me your experiences. I would love to read it with a sadistic smile :-]
Until then, enjoy your weekend.
________________________________
Original Source: My Blog: prabhu-i-am.blogspot.com.
There is Reshma, the TV host, interviewing Neha Dhupia, some Bollywood actress. Neha is here along with a troupe to woo the desis of US with her dance, "and stuff". We learn that Neha is now vegetarian; which of course means, she used to have non-vegeterian food earlier.
Reshma asks Neha, what made her decide to go veggie? Neha replies in the Bollywood 'U-kno' English, "May be, it's the flight from India to New York!" Wah! What a super answer! A stupid question, but a super answer! I will remember to use it the next time I am asked that most frequently asked stupid question.
It reminds me of my experience with an inter-continental flight.
Before you proceed reading any further, time for a WARNING. HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT. Some scenes might not go well with your appetite. Visualize at your own discretion.
It was during one of my annual India trips on the Korean Air, departing from SFO-California, when I had to forcibly fast, thanks to some confusion. If you had ever fasted, you would know that when you fast, the rest of the day seems to never end. What a sluggishly slow sadistic Sun! Look at the power of the letter S. It can convert a laughter into a slaughter!
Enough of alliteration... Taking you back to my story... I had pre-ordered "Hindu meal" on the flight, which for all the holy reasons that come to my holy mind, should be vegetarian, whichever way I look at it. Unfortunately, the Koreans decide what a Hindu eats on their flights! Hare KORishna!
As per the Korean Air website, a Hindu meal, classified under "Religious Meals" section, is:
- Meal prepared for Indian people.
- No beef or pork.
Holy Korean Cow, with those tiny Mongoloid eyes, I say! And ya, Holy to the Korean Pig too! No other specifications, especially on what is included in the Hindu meal is given. This you are supposed to learn when it is served in the flight. Talking of in-flight surprises!
When my food arrived, I opened the main meal package, eager to gulp it in no time. I first thought it was a roasted Korean cauliflower of some tasteless variety. No sooner had I gulped the first piece, than the tiny bulb in my head, which runs on plant energy, lit! Was that a chicken breast I just ate?! Or was it the buttock portion?!!! I never had either of those before, but I was damn sure it had something to do with the rooster family. It surely woke me up from my unconscious eating, and stopped me from doing more harm to the Korean chicken.
When I asked the steward to get me a HINDU meal, I was told, THAT was IT! I felt like expounding on the Sanskrit verse: tat tvam asi, but their broken English left much to desire. Had that chicken been alive, it surely would have sided by me, even though it had to go against its Korean brethren. That, I can bet on!
The bad thing about making a wrong food choice in a two flight trip is that you can't expect anything better in the upcoming flight too! My damn luck! On the next flight, I didn't even attempt to open the packed meal. I wasn't curious to know who will crawl out next.
Finally, the long-drawn-out growlingly empty trip ended with a joyous welcome from my parents. It made worth all the trouble.
[Note: To keep the content of this posting short, I haven't included the portion where the customs officer slaughters a starving veggie. May be next time...]
These days, when I plan my India travel, I ensure that I enquire everything about the food contents before buying the air ticket. The Korean Air's Asian Vegetarian Meal seems palatable to my pate.
While you are here, don't forget to check out the Korean Air website for their understanding of "Strict Asian Vegetarian Meal"!!! It says no to meat, dairy, egg, and root vegetables. If any of you has the courage to order it, do mail me your experiences. I would love to read it with a sadistic smile :-]
Until then, enjoy your weekend.
________________________________
Original Source: My Blog: prabhu-i-am.blogspot.com.
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